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This post is in response to the question “What is saving your life now?” that Sarah Bessey posed (quoting from Barbara Brown Taylor) on her blog at sarahbessey.com.
Today is my son AJ’s fourth birthday, and I have a 6 ¾ inch scar on my lower abdomen from the day of his birth. It was a hard birth, a traumatic birth, and it took twelve weeks for that scar to heal. It is my anniversary of birthing, and his anniversary of life. My scar reminds me how connected we are, that he is part of me, living outside of me.
In just a few weeks we will pass the one-year anniversary of his diagnosis of autism. My husband has written about AJ’s autism as invisible scars, something that he will carry with him the rest of his life. The day of his diagnosis for me was like finding the wound and finding it had already closed, too late for it to fade away, but not too late for it to shape well.
And I am reminded that Jesus, too, had scars, and showed his scars when he appeared to the disciples. Our scars are part of us, they make us who we are. Jesus wouldn’t be Jesus, even risen from the dead, without his scars.
I love my scar. I do not love the process of how it came to be (which I wrote about here), but I love that I have that scar, a visible reminder that AJ came out of me, that we are connected. Outside of the hospital, only the most intimate person in my life is reminded of the scar, and that too is our connection.
My scar is a physical reminder of AJ’s birth, of the day my life changed forever, and the connection I have with my son. My scar is saving my life now.
Happy birthing day. Happy Birthday AJ.